Coming For a Swim?
On DryRobe Wankers, Naturist Beaches and Bronchitis
Sun’s out - beach time!
“You gonna do some sea swims again this year?”
“Not sure. Remember how I got bronchitis last year?”
“Oof, yeah, that was horrible - went on for ages, didn’t it?”
“Mmmm. Messed up the whole of July. I can absolutely track when I started to feel grotty: it was that day when I went for a sea swim and then stayed on the beach for an hour in a wet top. I could feel the cold and damp on my chest - it was so uncomfortable”.
“Yeah, those ‘quick dry’ fabrics really aren’t so quick, are they?”
“Na. I remember getting a towel and shoving it under my swim top, drying myself - but then, of course, I had to put the top back down and just got my chest wet and cold again. Horrible feeling. I’m not getting ill again - can't afford a month out with chest trouble”.
Hmm.
Isn’t all this a myth? Hasn't it been dinned into us all that viruses and bacteria cause chest infections - you can’t actually catch a cold from damp and cold, can you?
A quick dig into medical literature tells me that - maybe you can.
“Cooling of the body surface and cold stress induced by lowering the core body temperature cause pathophysiological responses such as vasoconstriction in the respiratory tract mucosa and suppression of immune responses, which are responsible for increased susceptibility to infections”. *
Blimey.
And,
“Getting ‘chilled’ after sitting around in wet clothes … seems to worsen pulmonary immune defenses (probably related to ciliary clearance or anti-adhesin activity.)**
Maybe the sea-swim and subsequent bronchitis wasn’t a coincidence. Maybe Granny was right when she used to warn about ‘Catching your death’.
Shit. what to do, then? We live on the coast - bonkers not to make use of the sea.
Top-free bathing was common in the 70s, but seems to have rolled back; you have to be pretty brave these days to do it. (Unless you’re a cisman, of course).
I go to talk to an expert - lifelong daily swimmer, channel swimmer and open water coach, Hildi.
She tells me,
“I personally don’t like swimming without a top - I have never skinny-dipped even in my own pool! But you’re right, keeping wet clothing on increases the risk of hypothermia dramatically. As a sea swimming coach, I recommend my swimmers take off their wet costumes as soon as possible and get into dry clothes. In cold weather or on exiting cold water, they should then put on layers of warm clothing. It’s better to be naked under a coat or dry robe, than to put a robe on over a wet costume”.
That Worthing wood-fired beach sauna is both pleasure and healthy, then; and Dry Robes aren’t simply a fashion fad. Can people stop muttering ‘Dry Robe Wanker’ under their breath when they see these garms on the the beach, please? (And if you also see a dry robe in the supermarket or the cafe - so bloody what? Other people’s garms do you no harm. Honestly).
Thanks to Substack Shelf Help Club for alerting me to these socks from SocksTieDye.co.uk. Here’s a thing - whatever you are writing about, do a wee Substack search first. As I typed ‘Dry Robe Wanker’ (a phrase we hear too much of around here in Worthing - especially, I notice, from certified gammons) I thought I’d check if any other Brit had written about the insult. Of course they had! H/t
.Whatever you are writing about, do a wee Substack search first. Of course somebody else has something to say about ‘your’ topic: and that’s ok.
Back to swim coach. I ask about bronchitis - any research? She tells me -
“Yes! Regarding respiratory tract infection, Dr Mark Harper, author of Chill, has started some clinical research. He has some evidence that moderate exposure to cold water reduces the incidence of respiratory infections, but once swimmers go beyond 15 mins in cold water, they increase their risk. You get all the benefits with fewer risks if you keep your dips short. Being in the water in a top doesn’t matter too much, it’s wearing a wet top afterwards that’s the problem”.
Right. So a quick dip is ok - but we need to strip off, warm up and dry off fast afterwards.
Swim coach’s last words to me -
“It is weird that men are so naked in swimming and women aren’t! I’d rather the men covered up!”
Reporting back to the group, discussions continue.
“No sunbathing after a swim, then? Straight home to change and dry off? Unless you’re topless”.
“Ew, don’t say ‘topless’ - that sexualises it”.
“Yeah, I mean men’s chests and nipples are out - and a lot of them have bigger boobs than I do!”
“And chest hair! Why isn’t that seen as sexual and supposed to be kept covered up?”
“We really need to stop seeing breasts as always sexual. They’re just body parts, like buttocks or bellies”.
“God yeah, it feels so bloody arbitrary, doesn't it? What counts as ‘sexual’ or ‘rude’?”
“In France and Italy, nobody bothers at all about it - loads of people on the beach without tops on”.
“For trans and enby people, social expectations about chests? Extra layer of anxiety! It would all be easier if we were grown-up about it and just accepted all chests and all nipples”.
“This is why I drive all the way to Shoreham or Brighton, to one of the naturist beaches. This insistence on a scrap of cloth that makes you cold and damp - maybe even ill - is ridiculous”.
“Yeah - the first time I came with you, I felt self-conscious for about ten minutes” (we laugh) “but then I realised that literally nobody gave a fuck and I got into it. So freeing, so good to be out in nature, feeling the sun and breeze on your body, without damp nylon clinging to you!”
So freeing, so good to be out in nature, feeling the sun and breeze on your body -
without damp nylon clinging to you!
Here’s something we’ve tried in Worthing, for when we want to swim locally but without the frozen damp fabric on the bronchials. It might work where you live?
We’ve joined an online local swim group who post tide times and water quality (water companies here regularly pump raw sewage, coz profit my dear, profit). The swim group has a regular meeting spot. We turn up and hover near the edges - not in the group or of it, but feeling safer by the presence of a large group of sea swimmers. We enter the sea in quick-dry board shorts only; swim, exit, dry off, sit and take a bit of sun, dress and go home. So far, we’ve had no hassle and our intuition is that if anyone did jeer or hassle, the sea swim group would stick with us and our right to use the water over anyone wanting to harrass.
Of course, you need a wee bit of chutzpah and body confidence to do that. A few trips to a fully naturist beach first will warm you up for it and help you with the feeling that it’s really no big deal to be there without a top.
If you prefer to stay clothed, or if you have religious or cultural reasons to be covered at the beach, that’s absolutely fine and should be respected. But if you fancy a little bit of FKK (free body culture), summer is a great moment to dip your toe. Bronchitis entirely optional.
* Dr E. G. Mourtzoukou peer-reviewed article, ‘Exposure to cold and respiratory tract infections’.
https://www.ingentaconnect.com/content/iuatld/ijtld/2007/00000011/00000009/art00002
** Edna Pytlak, MD, writing about bronchitis.
https://www.contemporarypediatrics.com/view/home-remedies-bronchitis-maybe-your-mother-was-right
Caroline- This is such a fun read and have many levels of truth! Especially on the topic of covering up. The ending—is perfect!
DRW and proud! :) Thanks for the shout out (and 💛 those socks)